The Soontobesushi

We’re lucky in this issue to have captured rare footage of the soontobesushi. 

The soontobesushi hails from Japan where it is occasionally found in the secluded areas of certain bespoke eating establishments. The fish is now seen all around the world but always in restaurants. The soontobesushi likes to make its home surrounded by a moving train of random objects. The reasons for this are unclear. As are the methods by which the fish builds the conveyor belt. Though at heart an outgoing type of personality the soontobesushi can be prone to prolonged depressions which the fish expresses by means of positioning its body in a variety of poses. These poses include swimming backwards, lying upside down, playing dead in deep water and (a personal favourite) the nose butt.

As this footage shows the soontobesushi, though normally a passive fish, is prone to outbursts of massive activity lasting several seconds. This can lead to the fish travelling literally feet in a matter of minutes. How lucky we are to have the privilege of witnessing this rare event.

As a pet the soontobesushi rebufs all shows of affection. Training can be attempted but will always fail. As will any attempts to get the fish to fetch or sit. They are, however, perfectly safe to leave with the children. One word of warning only: never leave a soontobesushi alone with a tuna as this can lead to terrible displays of jealousy by both breeds.